A Twist of Fate
by Horsetamer5
Summary: A different ending to episode 5x11. Warning: Attempted Suicide. Please Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

Mordred lay on the bed in his cell, crying quietly; _If only, had not told anyone, Kara would still be alive!_ The thought only served to make him cry harder, all he had wanted to do was help his friend and now, he had become a traitor to Camelot, Arthur, the knights and all of his friends. He deserved to die. _Why not just end it here? It'll make it easier on all of them._

Standing up, he looked around the cell for something sharp to cut himself with. Catching a glint out of the corner of his eye, he turned and saw a small dagger laying on the ground just outside of cell;_ one of the guards must have dropped it,_ Mordred thought. Reaching between the bars, he managed to grab hold of the handle, standing up, he ran his hands over the cool, shiny metal. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and prepared to stab himself.

Just as Mordred was about to end it all, he felt two strong arms wrap around him, knocking the blade out of his hand. It was Leon. Frustrated and scared, Mordred began to struggle and scream, but Leon held him fast.

"No!" screamed Mordred, "Let me go."

"Mordred, its all right," said Leon, " I will let you go, but only when you calm down."

"Why are you doing this, just let me die!" Mordred yelled, his voice cracking, "I want to die, I'm a monster." His screaming suddenly changed into wracking sobs, "I want to die, I want to die," he cried, over and over again, the words becoming a mantra.

Still holding the boy, Leon turned to one of the guards, "Get the king and Gaius," he ordered. As the guard rushed off, Leon moved so that he was sitting against the wall of the cell, holding Mordred against his chest.

"It's not fair," sobbed Mordred, "why don't you just let me die, so that I can be with her?"

"Mordred, It is not your time to die," Leon said gently, " you will see Kara again sometime, just not right now." Leon was about to continue when he heard a voice say, "Thank you, Leon, I'll take him now."

Looking up, he saw Arthur kneeling next to him, Merlin and Gaius were standing in the doorway. Leon shifted Mordred so that Arthur was holding him and stood up, moving to stand next to Merlin.

Mordred continued to sob, his whole body convulsing, Arthur gently drew the boy against his chest.

"It's alright, Mordred," Arthur whispered gently, "everything is alright."

"I want to die," Mordred sobbed quietly.

"Oh, Mordred," Arthur murmured, "I know you don't mean that,"

"I'm a traitor," Mordred answered.  
Turning the boy so that he was facing him, Arthur whispered fiercely, "listen to me, Mordred, you are not a traitor, you are young and you made a mistake, everyone here has; you are still a knight of Camelot, it will take much more than what you did to change that!" When this response only succeeded to make Mordred cry harder, Arthur nodded at Gaius to hand him the sedative.

"Mordred," Arthur said gently, "I'm going to give you something to help you calm down." A few seconds after it was administrered, Mordred's crying tapered off and Arthur could tell that he had fallen asleep.**  
**


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur stood by Mordred's bedside, gently stroking the boy's hair, _How could it have come to this_, he thought. Mordred seemed to be a happy person, for the most part, now the fact that he had attempted suicide had everyone reeling. Arthur was brought out of his thoughts by a low groan, Mordred was waking up.

"You're awake," said Arthur, "how are you feeling?"

"I feel funny," whispered Mordred, "and sleepy."

"It's the sedative," said Arthur, "it's starting to wear off."

"where am I?" asked Mordred.

"you're in the room across from my chambers," said Arthur, "after what happened earlier, Gaius wants me to keep an eye on you for the next few days."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" asked Mordred, "Why do you care so much?"

"Well," answered Arthur, "you did just try to kill yourself, you should expect me to be worried about you."

"But what about everything I've done?" Mordred asked, "I betrayed you-"

"Mordred," Arthur said, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder; "as I told you before,you are young and you made a mistake. You are still my most loyal knight and friend."

"Thank you, Sire" said Mordred, quietly.

"You're welcome, Mordred," said Arthur, "but you don't need to thank me for speaking the truth."


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, when Mordred woke up, he immediately realized that someone else was in the room with him. Sitting up, he saw Merlin sitting by the fireplace, reading a book. As if sensing that Mordred was awake, he looked up and smiled.

"Arthur is at a council meeting," Merlin said, answering the unspoken question, "He told me to let him know when you woke up."

"You don't need to do that," said Mordred, laying back down, "but you do have to get me that book over there." Merlin handed him the book and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Were you really going to do it?" asked Merlin, "kill yourself?"

Mordred nodded silently, "I thought that I was going to be executed as a traitor; I thought it would be easier for someone to find my body instead of Arthur having to watch me die. I know you don't believe me, but I do genuinely care about Arthur, I would never do anything to hurt him. My love for Kara was clouding my judgement. After she was executed, I began to realise the gravity of what I had done. I was scared and sickened by the knowledge that I had betrayed you, Arthur and everyone else. I just didn't see the point in living anymore."

"Arthur was really upset when he found out that you had attempted suicide," said Merlin, "As was I."

"Really?" asked Mordred, "I always thought that you hated me, although I never knew why."

"Honestly," began Merlin, "In the beginning I was scared of you. But as time has passed, I have come to realise how loyal you are to Arthur and I consider you one of my friends. I hope we can move past everything that has happened and become actual friends."  
"I would like nothing more," said Mordred, smiling.

The two of them talked for a few hours until Merlin heard Arthur summoning him.

Standing up, he clapped Mordred on the shoulder and said, "If you ever need to talk, I'm always here."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

A few nights later, Mordred was curled up on his bed, reading a book that Merlin had given him; when Arthur entered the room, holding two white tablets in his hand. Mordred grimaced,

"Do I have to take the sedative tonight?" he complained.

"You don't want to?" asked Arthur.

"It makes me feel tired and when I do sleep, I have weird dreams."

"Well, Gaius said that you can stop taking it when you feel better, so I guess you don't have to. Although I will leave it here if you decide you need to take it later" Arthur said, placing the medicine on the bedside table."

After a pause, he asked, "How do you feel about coming to a training session tomorrow? We don't know when Morgana is going to attack again, so we need all of our best knights to be ready. Also, Merlin tells me that you are starting to go stir crazy; don't worry I have felt like that plenty of times when I have been wounded." Arthur added, smiling.

Seeing Mordred's apprehension, Arthur placed a hand on the young man's shoulder.

"Are you worried about what the other knights will think?" he asked gently.

Mordred nodded, ducking his head.

"Well," said Arthur, "you have nothing to worry about, none of them are angry at you. In fact, many have them have asked about how their 'little brother' is doing , especially Gwaine, Leon and Percival. I think it would do them good to see that you are alright. Also, if any of the other knights say anything, I will be t there and deal with it, alright?"

"Alright, I'll join you," said Mordred, in a small voice.

"Great!" said Arthur, "it's going to be just fine, you'll see.**"**

Mordred stared out the window as Merlin helped him with his armor. Sensing his friend's apprehension, Merlin said, "it's alright to be nervous, just remember that Arthur will be with you the whole time, he will make sure that you are alright. I'll be there too so if something really bad happens I can intervene."

"Thank you, Merlin," said Mordred, "you are a good friend."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

_**Two weeks later:**_

Mordred entered the valley, feeling his heart wrench as he saw all of the bodies strewn carelessly across the battleground. The coppery smell their blood was almost too much for him to handle. As he walked among the dead, he saw that one of the knights was still alive. Running over, Mordred noticed that he and the knight were about the same age.

The boy had a deep gash in his throat and was looking at Mordred with a look of fear and sadness in his eyes. Feeling overwhelmed, Mordred reached over and gently took the boy's hand in a silent gesture of comfort. The boy let out one final breath and closed his eyes. Mordred sat with his eyes closed and his head down; mourning the loss of a life that had barely begun.

"Well, well," a voice said behind him, "my old friend, last time we met you tried to kill me."  
It was Morgana.

"I wish I had succeeded," said Mordred, unsheathing his sword and turning to face her. "A lot of good men would still be alive if I had."

"You cannot kill me," laughed Morgana, "I am a High Priestess, a product of the old religion, I am immortal. Do you really think that you will be able to defeat me?" she asked mockingly, "you're nothing but a weak, cowardly, traitor!"

Letting out a feral growl, Mordred charged forward.  
The battle only lasted for a few minutes, before Mordred was able to back Morgana into a corner and disarm her.

"Go on, Sir Knight," Morgana mocked, "stab me, prove to me what a heartless coward you are. Your mortal blade will do nothi-" her sentence was cut off as Mordred plunged the blade into her chest.

"This is no mortal blade," whispered Mordred, "this blade was forged in a dragon's breath, it was given to me by Emrys."

"Traitor," gasped Morgana, blood pooling in her mouth in her last breath she managed to whisper it again , "traitor."

Mordred dropped the blade, moving until his back was pressed against the stone, he sat down and drew his knees up to his chest. As the adrenaline of the battle wore off, his mind finally caught up to his body and he now realised what he had just done.

Pressing his head against his arms, he began to cry; harsh ragged sobs tore through his body. He didn't know how long he sat there before he heard footsteps approaching and felt an arm wrap around his shoulder; distantly, he heard someone talking to him. It was Gwaine.

"Percival," said Gwaine, looking up at his fellow knight, "go tell the others that Morgana is dead, I'll deal with Mordred."

Turning his attention back to the distraught boy, Gwaine gently wrapped an arm around Mordred's shoulders, pulling the young man against him.

_Poor kid,_ he thought, _first he has to see the men he has come to know as brothers be slaughtered. Then he has to make his first kill and watch the life drain out of someone and know that he is the reason they are dead. We all know that Morgana is a monster, but that doesn't mean that Mordred will be without guilt. He is only 17, still a child, he should be oblivious to these horrors._

Knowing that they were still vulnerable to the Saxons, Gwaine gently helped his friend up and together, they slowly made their way back towards camp.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/n: Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I have had writer's block. This is not my best chapter.**

When they entered the medical tent, Gwaine saw that Merlin and Arthur were already there, they both seemed relatively unscathed. Seeing the distraught young man that Gwaine was holding, Merlin stood and gently helped Mordred over too one of the cots, urging him to lie down.

"I found him like this," Gwaine reported, gesturing to the sobbing knight on the cot, "I can't get him to calm down, he has been crying the whole way back. I'm worried that he'll make himself sick."

Arthur walked over and gently took his friend's hand, encouraging him to calm down.

"I didn't want to kill her," whispered Mordred once he was calm, "but she just made me so angry."

"I know," said Arthur, "We'll talk more in the morning, For now, try to get some rest. I will stay with you until you fall asleep.

Mordred sighed and closed his eyes, falling into the peaceful oblivion of sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/n: Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I have had writer's block. The lyrics are from the song Lullaby for a Stormy Night.**

Mordred lay on his side in the dark room, listening to the rain pour outside, it matched how he felt . He couldn't do this anymore, he just couldn't. First he had lost Kara, the love of his life, and then he had to kill Morgana, the closed thing to a mother that he had ever had.

Closing his eyes, he let the tears fall silently down his face. He didn't know how long he lay there, before he felt two arms wrap around him and begin to gently rock him. He heard a voice begin to sing to him.

_"little child, be not afraid_

_though rain pounds harshly against the glass_  
_like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger_  
_I am here tonight_

_little child, be not afraid_  
_though thunder explodes and lightning flash_  
_illuminates your tear-stained face_  
_I am here tonight_

_and someday you'll know_  
_that nature is so_  
_the same rain that draws you near me_  
_falls on rivers and land_  
_on forests and sand_  
_makes the beautiful world that you'll see_  
_in the morning_

_little child, be not afraid_  
_though storm clouds mask your beloved moon_  
_and its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams_  
_I am here tonight_

_little child, be not afraid_  
_though wind makes creatures of our trees_  
_and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand_  
_and I am here tonight_

Suddenly all the memories came rushing back, When he was a boy and he would have a nightmare. Morgana would come and hold him, singing this song to him until he fell asleep.

_for you know, once even I was a_  
_little child, and I was afraid_  
_but a gentle someone always came_  
_to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears_  
_and to give a kiss goodnight_

_well now I am grown_  
_and these years have shown_  
_that rain's a part of how life goes_  
_but it's dark and it's late_  
_so I'll hold you and wait_  
_'til your frightened eyes do close_

_and I hope that you'll know..._

_everything's fine in the morning_  
_the rain'll be gone in the morning_  
As Mordred was on the edge of unconsciousness, he felt someone kiss the top of his head and heard the voice gently whisper,  
_...but I'll still be here in the morning"_

Closing his eyes, he finally let himself sleep for the first time in days, feeling safe with the knowledge that he was safe with his King and Morgana watching over him.


End file.
